Free Write

        This week I have done a lot of thinking about my Step father who passed away. Then I started to think about Death and what we have to be accustomed to. When we lose close family members or friends, the world still goes on. In some weird way, we (ourselves) are able to push through every single day battling the depression or hurt from losing someone. Sometimes we do not notice how we are our own saviors. The world does not stop moving because of a loss, people still have jobs to go to and families to feed. You see a lot of that yourself when you actually do lose some one. You think to yourself how am I going to sleep knowing this person is gone? How am I going to go on tomorrow without them here? But because of the frequent chaos that happens in this world we get lost into it too and it actually helps us to move on and put things like a certain death "behind us".

        At first when my step father passed away i felt as if my life was crushed. I tried to look up but all I could see was down. I tried to look at it as an angel was now on my shoulders. Guiding me. Teaching Me. Loving Me, because family is family, and that will never change. However, it did take a toll on all of us. Destiny, my little sister was left without a father. And my mom no longer had her partner, her heart. Now… it was different. Things were harder to adapt to, but we managed. What could change anything? Nothing but time. Time healed me. And eventually led me to realizing certain things. Learn to never take anyone for granted because you never know when you might lose them. This changed me. Holding my head up high because I had someone watching over me now.

        Embracing the fact that death is one of those things that break but make you, I was slowly learning that. I experienced this death because my higher force knew it would make me a stronger woman. There is beauty in death. From death happiness and the sense of strength comes over you to overcome life’s toughest battles. Even though I am not over filled with joy that my stepfather has passed, it was an experience that changed me for the better. You have to learn how to appreciate things better, and most importantly how to love better. I appreciate all the pain it caused me because it made me able to look at life with a better outlook. I now know to look at life in a positive way, because there is always happiness at the end of the road. 

Blessings in Disguise

   

 It was my Senior year, and like no one else I had no idea of what I wanted to become in life. I felt lost. For the first time in my life I was confused and did not know how to find a solution That I would be happy with.Towards the end of my senior year, we were told we would not need to come to the last month of school. Instead, we were assigned internships. The internships ranged from a couple sites because everyone's interests were different. We had to pick an internships that corresponded to our career path, so that we could get some early experience. But, because I did not know what really interested me, my teacher picked one for me instead. She chose an elementary school, because she felt as though I would be good with younger kids. 
    Once I got the news of what my internship consisted of I was immediately upset. My anxiety got the best of me, and fear was what was to blame. I was battling the fear of working with new people. I was also battling the fear of intimidation because the school I was assigned to was bilingual. This meant that I had to at least be a good basic speaker in Spanish. This scared me because I knew I could not speak Spanish as well as I understood it. However, I could not change the assignment, I had to just deal with it and hope for the best.
    It was the first day, and I woke up extremely nervous. I was not prepared to work with kids let alone in another language. I got inside and noticed immediately every one was speaking English. I was relieved because now I know I was not expect to speak fluent Spanish as soon as I got there. Later on that day, I asked about the fact I noticed they were speaking English and the teacher told me that they rotate between two weeks on English and Spanish. One week they dedicate to learning in English, and the second week they rotated to learning in Spanish. By then, I was pumped. She also told me during the week that the students are learning in Spanish I am not expected to only speak Spanish but I should try to learn the language just like the students are expected to. Weeks went by, and I enjoyed my internship so much. I had started thinking that perhaps this might be the career path I follow since I enjoy it so much. Ever since that internship I had loved working with kids and plan on teaching the same age group. 



                                             Alchemy
When I was little I thought life was so simple
I knew what I wanted to be
and Where I wanted to go
But as I got older 
These things seemed to get further
Each person you tell your dreams to 
May not see them coming true
Stay positive and stick to what grows you
In due time, you will start to notice 
That without everyones opinions 
You may bloom like a lotus
Everyone wants to find what their purpose is
But will all of us ever find one?
If we let go and let God
We can see the bigger picture in our job
Our job here is to figure out a reason
A reason to live, laugh, and love
Without any of the above
We will live a life full of emptiness
When the goal is to be overly consumed in happiness

Laggin at E.B.L

I used to work for this place that makes clothes

Where they used to always make me fold

And I was always told

to never go home unless these clothes were neat

We were expected to never miss a beat 

Always had to sweep and mop

This job was such a flop 

We could never get more hours

And I worked with a bunch of downers

I hated getting sneakers for customers that were so picky

Some of them were so picky and ditsy

They didnt even know their own size

But I still had to abide

and follow rules and cater to them

But I hated catering to peoples needs

Though sometimes 

there were times it was a good deed 

because believe it or not 

all types of people come into the store

it may be people you haven't seen before

but some people do need help with the simple things

like whats their size and how to tie a shoe string 

Me vs. Experiences

    For every different thing "us humans" go through, we always notice something different. The good thing about experiences is that it can teach you a lot about yourself, and others. The bad thing about experiences is that it may not always be a positive outcome. t is very crucial for a person to experience different things in life, so that they are given a chance to see through a different perspective. I remember three specific events that allowed me to unconsciously understand what type of character I am. When I was part of an all girls singing group, joining a cheerleader squad, and applying to college were all experiences that helped me understand myself a little more clearer.
    When I was about fourteen years old, I was extremely interested in music. So interested, that I decided to join an all girls singing group that was ran by my past middle school teacher. Two others girls were also in the singing group. I stayed in that group for about six months. During that six month period, we were told we had one official show booked for us, so we then rehearsed for weeks and weeks. After awhile, I started to realize how much work and time I had to put into something like this. The fact that I was already in school, over time made me feel overwhelmed. Though I loved music with a passion, I learned that I did not want to make that my career. School was always something very important to me and I could not give up my personal life for a music career. I started to struggle in school, and that is when I knew it was time to "throw the towel in". I loved the experience because it was so much fun but sometimes life is not all about fun when you have bigger things you want to focus on.
    During my freshman year of high school, I joined my high schools cheer-leading squad. The squad was called the Titans, and our mascot colors were blue and gold. I remember always being so happy to perform at the basket ball games to show off our new cheers we had learned. Cheer leading was one of the most positive things I took part of in high school. I loved the Titans so much because it was all based of girls. and we all were like sisters. After all we spent so much time together it was bound to lead us into a greater friendship. I was in the cheer leading squad for my freshman and sophomore year. I finally dropped cheer leading because I wanted to start working more. There were things that I wanted, that my mom could no longer provide for me. In that cheer leading I learned that I could actually be a good friend and very uplifting to others. It helped build confidence and help others, and that is something you cannot teach. I was very glad to experience being part of such a positive cheer leading group.
    When my high school year was coming to an end, it was time to graduate. But we could not graduate without applying and being accepted to at least one college. Applying to colleges was such a stressful process. We had to write tons of essays for applying to different schools, and scholarships. By the time we had to wait on our acceptance, we were totally exhausted. We were told the acceptance letters would take weeks and even months. Luckily, a few weeks into the waiting process I cam home to a letter. I remember the day like it was yesterday, I had had such a terrible day at work and came home to a letter from Anna Maria college. My heart fell to the floor as soon as I saw the letter, so I ripped the envelope open carefully. The first words were "congratulations" and the rest of the letter began to talk about how I was accepted and the next steps I could take into being their student. I got to the end of the letter and began reading that I also won their 5,000 a year scholarship. I was jumping up and down so fast I could not control my excitement. I was so blown away that they had also given me a scholarship. After celebrating, I took the letter to my school where they also were so proud of me. But when me and my advisor went over all of the expenses and processes that you have to go through when applying for colleges we realized I would be in a financial hole. It hurt me to give up something that sounded so good, but I had to look at the long run. Would I be happy If I am in debt and in college? I decided no, and applied to Bunker Hill Community College and got accepted. Ever since, I have been an enrolled student still carrying out my education plan.
    I learned to not give up on your passions because those are the things that make us happy. Experiences are times of our lives where we realize what is going on around us and what we like and don't like. If it were not for experiences there would be no logical way of "getting to know yourself".